Tackling Rebellious Teens? Try Finding The Reason Before Passing Judgments

Asian Teenager

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Parents find the difficult behavior of teenagers to be so complicated that they simply ignore the causes and describe it as difficult or obnoxious behavior. Well, each and every individual is permitted to be cranky once in awhile. This rule applies to your teenaged child as well.

However, you should be worried if the child insists on behaving in a rebellious manner at all times. Do you find your child to be a perpetual embarrassment in family gatherings? Does he or she show scant regard for the emotions and sentiments of others? Well, perhaps your child has been insulted or hurt and is simply retaliating.

Of course, the supposed insult or hurt may never have taken place. Or, it may be too smaller thing to worry about. However, the important thing is that your teenager feels that way and is behaving in retaliation.

A supposed insult made by an uncle or aunt maybe the reason behind this behavior. Or, your little big man may be simply feeling neglected because of your focus on your relatives and family members. Whatever the reason, simply ignoring it is not going to work. If you are finding the rebellious behavior to be unnecessarily complicated, simply having a word with your teenager will help.

Of course, don’t expect your teenager to confess everything immediately. You must use a combination of love and firmness to find the truth. Whatever you do, not laugh at the reason. Try to rationalize and reason with the teenager and hope that he or she sees sense after letting it out of the system.

 

 

 

How To Get Your Teen To Talk About His Or Her Physical And Emotional Changes?

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How to encourage your teenaged child to confide about medical problems that he or she may be facing? Teenage is a time of physical changes in the body. Not all changes are very comfortable and enjoyable. In the beginning, the teenager will feel highly discomforted and this may be seen in their behavior towards others.

You would do well to establish open lines of communication as early as possible. Do you have an extended family? If yes, then you can encourage your child to confess about his or her problems to an uncle or aunt.

It may seem surprising but a child that has depended on you throughout his or her life will prefer talking about uncomfortable topics with a relative who is more like a friend. Needless to say, you can provide assistance to the child of your brother or sister who is facing the same problem. Not only will this help the child manage troubles, it will also help you keep track of any and every bit of information that you need to know. A quick word with your brother or sister will be enough to understand whether you need to intervene with your teenager.

If you do not have the luxury of relying on relatives, then the best option is to encourage the teenager to be open. Try to have a few educational sessions where you explain the various changes that are taking place in the body of the teenager. Make use of internet and info graphics available online. Make it very clear that the internet is not a reliable source of information. This will help you simplify the process of communication.

 

 

 

 

Parenting a Gay Teen

PFLAG contingent at San Francisco Pride 2004. 

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Teens can learn about homosexuality earlier than ever, and, as a result, gay teens have a language to describe their feelings. Consequently, more teens are coming out to their family members, so parents today must learn about raising homosexual children more than ever before. Parents of gay teens who are educated on the issues of homosexuality can raise happy, well-adjusted children.

First, parents should realize that the situation is about the child, not them. The child’s sexual orientation is not a result of how the parents raised him or her. Parents may also worry that their child will be bullied, lonely or unpopular. They may even worry that they’ll never have grandchildren. Parents should deal with these worries on their own, or through the help of a psychiatrist. They should not communicate them to the child; children flourish when they feel support from their parents, rather than apprehension.

Further, parents should be their child’s biggest advocate. They shouldn’t be ashamed of his or her sexual orientation; they should be comfortable sharing or talking about it with others. Parents should communicate their acceptance of homosexuality to help their children feel comfortable with themselves and more confident. For parents who have difficulty with accepting homosexuality, they can seek help through a counselor, or search for a local PFLAG chapter. Coming out is an extremely difficult experience for a teen to go through. Parents should acknowledge this, and should know that through coming out to them, their child wants them to be apart of his or her future.

For parents who have difficulty accepting their child’s sexual orientation, they should find help before their relationship with their child becomes damaged.

 

The Truth Behind Teen Pregnancy TV Shows

Teen pregnancy shows. Along with other reality shows that show-off the day to day lives of seemingly ordinary individuals, we get the truth about what truly occurs in the day to day lives of teens that are pregnant. Or do we?

When a camera is on an individual or their family, what do we really get?

In private the camera is in the off position and we are left to deal with our choice with only our closest loved ones, if we even have that. What we get is real, honest truth about our week by week pregnancy as a teenager. We see the responsibility, the heart-ache of losing our previous life; we get the real grit on working and sudden adult-hood. Our boyfriend may leave us, we may choose adoption, or we may keep the baby with the help of our family. But, in the end, it’s all about the truth of who we are un-backed by how we might appear to a television audience.

We are not glorified. We are not put in the spotlight.

Sure, teens see what other teens are going through on teen pregnancy TV shows, but what choices are being made based on the lights of the all-consuming camera? Is it the “real” choice or some fabrication based on what “appears” to be the real choice?

It may be that we learn something, we may make a different choice, a better choice because of what we have seen (and so might the teen because she is being viewed), but what of the truth?

Teen Dating: Healthy Relationships

The boy or girl that you have had your eye on finally shows interest and you begin to date. The world around you seems wonderful through your rose-colored glasses as you dizzly go through your days feeling light on your feet.

Unfortunately, for some people the rose-colored glasses turn into blinders. These blinders hinder them from seeing the relationship for what it really is and recognizing if it is unhealthy.

A healthy relationship should consist of the following:

  • Respect

Your partner likes you for who you are, respects your boundaries, doesn’t want to change you, and doesn’t force you to do things you don’t want.

  • Trust

Your partner trusts you and does not display jealousy or rage when you talk to others from the opposite sex.

  • Honesty

The foundation of a good relationship consists of honesty. A relationship should not be built on lies and trickery.

  • Support

Your partner should be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on and when you want to celebrate good fortunes and you should do the same.

  • Compromise

A healthy relationship should have equal amounts of give and take by both partners. Relationship decisions should not be always made by one person.

  • Self Identity

Just because you are a couple, you shouldn’t lose your individuality or be forced to change your opinions. You should both continue to have your own lives including friends and outside interests and feel free to develop new friends and interests moving forward.

  • Communication

You should never be afraid to speak up and share your feelings or ideas. You also need to make sure that you keep an open line of communication and never keep feelings bottled up because you are afraid of a reaction or sounding silly.

Helping Your Teen Wait to Marry

You probably remember how when you were young, it was easy to fall in love with someone and be carried away with it. And chances are you still remember your first love as the first person you ever seriously thought you might trade engagement rings with. In some people’s cases, their high school sweetheart is the person they sit with in their rocking chairs with decades later, watching the last sands of the hourglass drift downward together. However, in many cases, teen marriages do not go so well. Teenage marriages tend to have a lot of problems, even though their feelings are as strong as yours ever were at that age.

First off, you can always forbid marriage before they are 18. This is a dictatorial approach to things, and it is inevitably going to result in all kinds of backlash. This is a knee jerk, emotional response to a person who feels grown being treated like a child. A better response is to counsel your teen, and help them to understand some of the underlying problems with getting married at such a young age, and let them get engagement rings. This will take finesse to do properly.

First off, never tell your teen they’re not emotionally ready. This will explode in your face every time. Instead, take the tack that since your teen is probably not financially independent (and likely neither is their significant other), life will be extremely hard in the early years. While getting engaged is a great idea, getting married too young can spell all kinds of hardships later.

Helping Your Teen Grow Up

Two adolescent couples at the 2009 Western Ida...

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Teenagers are not adults, in spite of what their bodies (and their words) might try to tell you.  Just because your teen can outdo you in athletic contests, and even if they are better than you are at academic pursuits, they still lack a lot of the necessary experience that it takes to do well on their own.  Unfortunately, they are also at a point in their lives in which they see themselves as either your equals or your superiors, whether they actually are or not.  But you have got to do all you can, both to show them a good example of a calm person who stays in control of the situation, and to show them that their opinions matter.  Why the dichotomy?  Unfortunately, this is just how you have to play it, with people who are stuck between being adults and being children.

The process of growing up is a struggle for just about everyone.  With each age a person passes, there are more chances for them to become disillusioned with the way that life actually works.  While a baby can simply cry, and let a magical hand come around and fix every problem that they could possibly have, a child generally learns that problems can not always be taken care of that easily.  A teen then learns an extension to this fact- their parents may be able to fix most of their problems, but they are ultimately going to have to handle a lot of stuff by themselves.

It is for this reason that you have got to slowly allow your teen to take over their own lives.  It is not a sudden process, and if you do it properly they will barely notice that their responsibility level is slowly creeping upward.  And needless to say, as they gain the burden of more responsibilities, they should also gain a new and steadily growing set of additional privileges to sweeten the pot.  After all, your teen should be earning the right to be able to do more things as they get older.  In time, they’ll do it all.

Staggering the Responsibilities

us/them rules of thumb

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As your child gets into their teen years, you might be tempted to just put yourself out of the house, and allow them to run the entirety of your household, since they seem to suddenly know everything.  And while you know that while doing something of that nature would feel good for a moment (finally being free of the constant picking, when they may or may not even know what they are talking about), it would ultimately result in a very large series of disasters for both you and them.  Whether or not your teens want to admit to it, they do still need you to some extent.  Unfortunately, a lot of them might even need you to a point after college in their twenties.  But if you stagger their levels of responsibility, they will have the skills and mental tools that they will need to last on their own.

You might wonder what staggering their responsibilities means.  Simply put, it means that you have got to slowly add in responsibilities to the mix, from the very beginning (things like being able to walk around the house by themselves when they are 2 or 3) all the way up to when you send them off to college to live their own lives without any daily intervention from you.  Could you imagine if you tried to leap straight between those two extremes?  The results would be catastrophic for your poor kids.  Not to mention the fact that until they left, they would feel downright smothered, as you insisted on helping them to use the bathroom and brush their teeth, and other ridiculous things for someone in their teens.

So you have to make sure you add responsibilities slowly to the mix.  A decent rule of thumb would be one chore per year, until they know how to do everything necessary to run a household by about 18 years old.  At that point, other than financial things (which they will be able to manage, but not necessarily to earn enough for), they are going to be fully capable adults with solid skills.

The Levels of Responsibility

As children, people have few to no responsibilities for the most part.  And they generally like it that way.  After all, the less things that you are responsible for, the less things you can be blamed for if something goes wrong with them.  Unfortunately, nobody ever really grew up through having no (or even few) responsibilities in their life.  And if your teen is going to be able to survive and thrive out on their own, they are going to need to take on increasingly complex responsibilities as they grow older and develop their mental resources.  After all, this is the stuff that everybody needs to know in life.  Naturally, they are going to whine every time they take on a new responsibility, but whining needs to be something that falls off your back like water off of a duck.  You need to keep your skin thick, and administer tough love when they need it.

To start off, by the time they are teens, your kids should be able to take care of their basic personal grooming and locomotion.  You should also be requiring them to do physical work around the house (such as mowing the lawn, dusting, vacuuming, etc.).  Break down all of the different chores in the house into levels of intellectual difficulty, and these are at the low end.  You should be giving them an allowance for what they do, and compensating them according to the complexity of the job.  Properly cleaning the outside and inside of your car is more complex than sweeping the kitchen floor, after all.  But this is just the beginning.

When your kid starts thinking about getting a job, the real fun begins.  At this stage of the game, introduce them to taxes, and their rights as a worker.  The more they know, and the more they can do about such things, the better prepared they are going to be to demand what they are worth in the workplace.  By 16, they should be capable of handling grocery shopping, staying within budget, and supplying your household with its dietary and sundry needs.

The Challenges of Responsibility

A lot of people think that responsibility means nothing more than obedience.  And while that would definitely be nice, sometimes obedience can turn downright malicious, such as when a person completely obeys your every instruction, and does nothing extra.  When you raise teens, you are definitely going to get passive aggression of this nature from time to time.  Of course, while you can possibly punish away some of the symptoms, the underlying cause (your teen feeling as though you do not trust them) is still going to remain, nonetheless.  The only real way to take care of this problem once and for all is to show your teen that you trust them, by giving them absolute control over something.  Some parents do this with their teen’s car, but that can backfire if your teen paid for and already maintains it.  What can you do, steal it from them?

Responsibility is a strange thing, because it opens up a lot of differnt avenues for both success and failure.  On the one hand, keeping your lawn well maintained means that your teen is going to have something nice that they can point to and say, “that’s my responsibility.”  But on the other hand, you can do better than that.  Say you want to reward good things and punish bad ones.  Have your teen participate in taxes, all the way from thinking through what might be deductible, to scanning your receipts, all the way to going with you to your accountant’s office and and sitting in on the process.

You might be wondering how in the world you could ever motivate your teen to do any of this.  You could allow them to keep a portion of what you get back from the IRS, for one thing.  This is a skillset that everybody is going to need to have at some point.  So you might as well get them into the habit at a young age, and teach them that intellectual responsibilities are just as important (if not moreso) than physical ones are.  Most 13 year olds can probably handle responsibilities like that.